Tunisia

Tunisia is a small country wedged between Labia and Algeria.

Hahaha.

Tunisia was home to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru, humble moisture farmers and guardians of Luke Skywalker, before they were cut down by Stormtroopers. It is a hot, dry place, with two suns and lots of Womp Rats (It's not impossible. I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home, they're not much bigger than two meters) and motherfuckin' Tuskan Sandraiders, you know the guys that hold their guns abover their heads, in the hills, and go "aaaar aaar aaaaar".

So many people prefer the old Star Wars to the new ones. I am one of those people. I also prefer the old Tunisia to the new one. The old one was the home of the city state called Carthage.

Carthage was were Hannibal was from. Hannibal crossed the alps with elephants just so he could fuck up the North Italians.

Now south and north Italians say that they are different. And they may be. But there is one defining character that both north and south Italians share - they are creepy, creepy bastards.

Take Oktoberfest for example. The middle weekend of this celebration of all things barbaric is populated by Italians. Italian males. Italian drunk males. Now these guys are bad drunks. And they are downright creepy. They grope anything with a pulse and perform a two handed chest to crotch CPR on anything without.

In 1910 there were more than 100,000 Italians living in Tunisia. Imagine the level of creeping they bestowed upon those lovely, naive, Berber and Arabic girls. My goodness.

In the 1940's there was a big battle fought there between the Axis (Germany and Italy) and the Allies (us). How did the Italians ever convince the Germans that they were on the same page? The Germans are cold and dispassionate and big and Bavarian (unless they're not from Bavaria) and the Italians are the opposite. I think that if the Germans won the war they would have quite quickly forgotten their creepy southern ally.

Modern day Tunisia is a testament to authoritarianism. Nobody speaks out, there are no coups or riots (that we hear of). Independent thought is stunted by media censorship equaled only by China. There is little dissent.

But, remember when Hannibal crossed the Alps? With Battle Elephants! I love the old Star Wars.