Zambia

Population: 11,862,740 exactly.
Location: Between heaps of places in the South of Africa.
Best known for: I'm not sure.



Madonna and Angelina Jolie didn't adopt children from Zambia.

There was a dictator in Zambia who killed a few people, but not that many.

It once had the promise of being a regional economic powerhouse, due to its vast copper fields, but copper prices fell and a powerhouse it is not.

My friend Martina was attacked by a hippo in Malawi, but Malawi isn't Zambia.

Victoria Falls are in Zambia, but Victoria Falls are also in Zimbabwe, which is infinitely more exciting thanks to Uncle Bobby.

There are no coups in Zambia worthy of a mention, no independence movements of any substance. Nobody wants nothing that bad.

Barak Obama's family is not from Zambia, and Zambia has never democratically elected a white president.

Dr Livingstone was in Zambia, but the famous inquiry, "Dr Livingstone, I presume" was uttered somewhere else. I think in Tanzania.

There are some eighty thousand Chinese people living in Zambia, who I assume have a real hard time fitting in.

There are a lot people with AIDS in Zambia, and heaps of poor people, and famine, and drought and malaria, and lions and monkeys and elephants and shit.

But isn't that everywhere in Africa?