Zimbabwe

Population - Eleven million and something
Located - Landlocked between South Africa, Zambia, Botswana and Mozambique.
Known for - Bobby Mugabe

Many people are critical of Robert 'Bobby' Mugabe. He abuses human rights, they say, and he rigs elections, they cry. His policies are counterproductive to the interests of his people, he is oppressive.

I like him. I appreciate his mocha. I like the distance between his nose and his lip, I like the chasm in said distance and I like the moustache in said chasm. It looks like Adolph's moustache, and that, to me, represents mocha in a dictator - Hitleresque lip furniture.

The name for this style of moustache is a 'toothbrush'. Because the philtrum is similar in size and shape to a toothbrush. My philtrum is destined to be eternally as bald as the back of a laptop, which perhaps explains my adoration of Bobby's weird face.

Zimbabwe was called Rhodesia, and is where they first bred Rhodesian Ridgebacks - for the express purpose of taking down elephants. Mugabe's philtrum is so long and deep it could be the mold for said dog's said ridged back.

I also like Robert Mugabe because during his tenure the Zimbabwean treasury released a one hundred trillion dollar note. An egg cost fifty billion Zimbabwean dollars. How fucking cool is that? If you were a prostitute you would charge a trillion dollars for a full service, which would boost your self esteem, I think. I also think that you would have AIDS, most likely, which would be pretty shit.